I never promised a rose garden….

Got an email over the weekend from what some would call a “close” acquaintance. And to say the least, she is less than happy with me. Why? For the simple reason that I didn’t personally inform her of my upcoming departure in advance.

Some might argue the logic that I took in this decision, because it was deliberate for sure. Suffice to say that this person really couldn’t deal that well with reality of my leaving. She had a crush on me as it was. There was not a comfortable or kind way for me to approach her with my situation. When I did indicate that I was thinking about moving on, the resultant conversation was never very fun.

To me at least, it was obvious almost from the beginning that this person had a lot more invested in me than I ever dreamed. Which always left me feeling a little uncomfortable. I mean anytime someone throws out the “L” word, I not only get nervous, but tend to back off. Perhaps I could have handled this better, but I don’t this so.

Ultimately, I don’t feel bad. I have tried to be honest and tell this person that they need to sort their own life out. The thing is that I don’t think she ever heard that. Is she in a not so great situation? Yes! Did I create that? Absolutely not!!

TGIF...

Everyday, I read a sometimes insightful, but mostly inspirational email from noted author Marianne Williamson. Today’s message was:

Are you able to openly and honestly accept yourself just as you are?

For me, that is a tough one. I would think that everyone would have that challenge. But, maybe not.

That got me to thinking just what self-acceptance is. I did some searching on the net and found this definition:

Self-acceptance is agreeing with yourself that you're doing the best that you can at this very moment in time.

And with that definition, I am not so accepting of myself. I always believe that I could be doing better. Rich, who is my oldest friend in the world says: “You wouldn’t be happy if you were hung with a new rope!”

And he is probably right. I would want something different. Which as I have gone through life has turned out to be a two edged sword.

When I was young and fortunate enough to be a CEO of a company that I took public, that characteristic drove our company.

As I have succumbed to working for others, my wanting to “get it right” has certainly been a mixed blessing with associates and bosses (you can guess who was in favor or not )

I have never understood folks like my Dad who have resigned themselves to a particular situation or relationship. I feel that I am living proof that opportunities exist for those who are willing to extend themselves for them. Do I come up with everything I want 100% of the time? Not even close.

So the question of the day is this:

Does ANYONE accept themselves they way they are?

I need some help on this.

TTFN.226

Being alone makes you do strange things...

I will say that the things I miss the most since quitting are the friends you make on the way. Folks like Neil, Jenny and others are still available, but I hesitate to call them, as I don't want to intrude.

So you find other ways to take up your time.

As such, check this out. It is a bit of bashing J-Lo, but hey, she deserves it, doesn't she???

I read Nat's blog this morning. I always like the fact that she is trying to do better. It is something to work toward.

Enough for now

TTFN.226

Reality comes into life...

Since I have left work from the old company, I have pretty much led a charmed life...went on a cruise, been able to stay at home, business has been adequate, etc. If you have been regularly reading, I have even kept pretty current on my blogging.

As such, I have had the time to catch up to other friends blogs as well. If you have been bloggin for any time, you are probably familiar with the Promo Guy's Monday Mission (which he gave up at the beginning of the year. His blog was always alot of fun and gave you insights into himself and to the other Missionary participants, which I was one.

His wife is dealing with cancer and has made him take stock of his life. Maybe his entries combined with the "Smart Couples Finish Rich" is making me re-examine what I want to do when I grow up (which should be soon since I am almost 50).

I have always done whatever interests me. And I have been fortunate that Julie has always supported whatever I wanted to do 100% (except for the extensive traveling). As such, I have experienced what I think alot of folks never even dream about.

Have there been trade-offs? Of course! When I look at folks like my brother, who has had the same job for over 20 years and his house has been paid off for at least 10, I don't have the financial security that he does. But I have always been able to travel to places, learn about diffrent things, and get involved on levels that many never will. I was CEO of a public company at 32. That might not sound like much in this post dot com era, but I did it almost 18 years ago.

The problem with me is that there is still so much I want to do and want to contribute. But I also understand that given my age, I might have to limit my options to one or two real runs. If you have never gone out on your own, you don't realize the energy it takes (or at least that I give to things). So, yes, age does come into play.

And the fact that I have more to lose now than ever before. I have real estate, a business, and most importantly someone who cares for me more than I do for me. Those aren't things that you can make up for quickly if you lose them.

So, I guess I am looking for encouragement. Suggestions?

TTFN.226

I think this Venus transiting the Sun just cost me $$$$

It doesn't pay to be a nice guy. Julie (the household astronomer) wanted to get up early (even for me) at 1 AM to see Venus transiting (which is just a fancy word for elcipse) the Sun live from Athens. While I want to be supportive, I also don't want to wake up that morning for something that I find only briefly interesting. But I do want to support her, so I agree to get up at 4 AM and drive the hour to the planterium with her.

My inclination was correct to begin with. The college where the planterium is had their usual technological problems and didn't get the feed live. As a result, we watched the recorded version with everyone else when we got there about 4:45. We did see the last part live at about 7 and I had done my supportive duties.

I agreed to go to breakfast before heading home. Breakfast went well, but when we got out, the car just wouldn't start. We haven't really had any problems with it (I think it is the fuel pump), but ended up having it towed to the dealership. The bill hasn't come in yet, but this dealership has never sent the car home with less than $200 in repairs.

The only upside I see to all of this was that I was home to handle the situation and Julie didn't have to call me with a problem (something admittedly, I need to work on handling better)

Saw (Nat's new blog and like it. I only wish she would write more often. It is exicting to see her and her husband find a new (first) house to buy and live in.

Enough for now. Work has to be caught up now that most of the morning was done in by the car.

TTFN.226

Getting through the weekend...

Which is harder than you might think sometimes. There was something to be said for leaving for the airport on Sunday. It meant that you didn't get saddled with some of the things that I did this weekend. Overall, I am not complaining (or maybe I am),

I did finally talk with my Dad on Saturday. That is such a frustrating experience for me.

Part of it is guilt. I am in a better position physically, mentally and alas, financially than he is. There was a time when my Dad had a pile of money. But for a variety of reasons, he doesn't. I do help out. We sent money to him, Julie's sister and her mom/dad every month. I also pay for his cell bill and when emergencies like last year's driving experience See Sep 21 in my other (now dead) blog come up. But he doesn't seem happy and is seemingly looking for me to change his life. I have tried. I have set up various opportunities for him, but he wants me to do it for him and I just can't from that distance. I went out there in March to help them sort through their financial issues (he had just asked for a $30,000 vehicle)

I think most of my frustration is his “whoa is me” attitude. His “we’re doing the best we can” or “we just have to live with it (whatever it is at the moment)” drives me crazy. If my mom and dad brought me up that way, I might be able to understand it. They didn’t. I was brought up to believe that whatever I wanted, if I put the energy to it, the potential was there.

When I ask if he has spoke to my brother or sister, a typical response is that I called and left a message for them. They didn’t return the call, so they must be mad at me. When I pointed out to him that I have left messages for him and don’t think that just because he didn’t return the call thought he was upset with me. What’s the difference I asked? He came back with some lame excuse.

Am I being too rigid? I would like to think that I am pretty easygoing and it takes quite a bit to get me upset. But my dad can touch a nerve of frustration with me in just a few moments over the phone. I hang up and want to scream. I used to look forward to talking to him and sharing what was going on in each of our lives. Now, it seems like an obligation. And for that I truly feel guilty.

Suggestions? I could surely use them.